"OK the party can start now, Sam has arrived"

Yes, I say that. Do i mean it? No. Not really. I'm not quite THAT narcissistic but I pretend to be. Why? Hmmm, good question. Fake it until you make it?

I'm shy. Really really shy. I don't like talking to new people. The very thought of talking on the phone to a stranger makes my butt clench (how's that for a mental picture?) I don't like talking to people i don't know very well. Awkward silences make me sweat (and i smell BAD when i sweat. don't believe me? Ask me husband)

I don't feel like i have anything important to say. I don't have all the answers to the questions that people ask me. I'm not very confident. Saying those things, and talking to new people doesn't mean that i'm any more confident than I was before. I'm just braver.

I put myself out there more than i ever did before. Especially lately and i'm not sure why. I was thrown into adulthood sink or swim and i sank for a really long time, and then i tred water for a little bit, and now i'm learning to do the breaststroke (my husband is an excellent teacher)

I know that if I fail at one social interaction or another, i'll be devistated BUT if i really really fail, then it won't matter. I didn't make any new friends, i won' thave anyone to face with my failure but myself, and i'm easily distracted.

Anyway, what is it that Dr Seuss says about people? "be yourself because those that matter, won't mind and those who mind, won't matter."

Fake it until you make it, definantly. One day i may be that awesome confident person i pretend to be, but i'm not quite there yet. But then again, when i gain confidence, i lose a lto of humility, and i don't think i could afford to lose any more of humility. I'm getting to be pretty full of myself.

PS, the caption under that picture says "When i grow up, I want to be a firefighter so i can help mommy" Me thinks i burned one too many diners.